It’s seems like Geico and White Castle are battling it out for the more clever marketing campaign. Ironically, both feature miniature mascots personified with similar characteristics. Both campaigns are getting heavy rotation on public radio and on television, but has anyone taken notice to how similar these campaigns really are? Let’s break down the contenders!

Geico: “The Money You Cold Be Saving”

Geico’s mascot is a miniature stack of money with “googly eye’s” that always seems to be getting caught staring. It usually targets a woman by staring (flirtatiously) as it continues to make its presence known. Once the small “stack of money” is discovered by a bystander, (someone who has seen it before) they will note that it’s “the money you could be saving with Geico”.

The stack of money comes off a bit stalker-ish during many of the commercials by not speaking and only staring. It’s intentions are benevolent as it’s trying to gingerly make an individual realize they may be overpaying with another car insurance outfit. At the end of each commercial the “money you could be saving” signs off with Rockwell’s classic 80’s tune: “Somebody’s Watching Me”. During the encounter, no party is overly concerned that the “stack of money” has human-like characteristics.

Please observe the Geico clip below:

White Castle: “The Crave is Calling”

White Castle’s miniature mascot is a hamburger dialing out on an old rotary phone. The hamburger is always making what appears to be a “booty call” to an individual caught off guard. The interaction is more on the seductive side than Geico’s “stack of money” campaign. The hamburger doesn’t speak English, however communicates through “70’s porn music” where only the recipient of the call has the ability to decipher what’s being said.

Being that all “victims of the crave” are male, (and assumed to be heterosexual) it’s a fair claim that the “crave hamburger mascot” is a horny female looking for quickie of some sort. The male victims (grim reaper, store clerk) never fail to drop the task they are engrossed in when the crave calls.

Please check out the White Castle clip below:

The Verdict: Geico takes the prize on this one, simply for the originality of playing off the song “Somebody’s Watching Me” by Rockwell. For this reason alone it’s a more effective marketing campaign because many people identify Geico with that song, even if they’ve never heard it before. Simply put, it’s catchier than the 70’s porn music that White Castle delivers. White Castle’s campaign does however have more sex appeal, but falls short from a brand recognition and identity perspective.

I’m the type of guy that follows usually follows a sequence. A sense of order, you know? Dinner before dessert, cuddles after puddles, (I’m the sensitive type.) and a respect for following standard procedures has made life easier for me. While on the topic of dessert, let’s talk about my latest creation: crème caramel.

Now don’t think I’m getting soft on you with a dessert recipe, I’m showing diversification of my skill sets. Simply put, I’m demonstrating how to step up your game because you can’t snack on E.L. Fudge forever. So let’s make something hot and fresh out the kitchen.

You will need:
Custard Cups - (6)
Baking Pan – (1)
Eggs – (8)
Sugar – (4 oz.) and another separate portion of 6 oz.
Salt – (1/4 teaspoon)
Vanilla Extract – (1/4 oz.)
Water – (1 oz.)
Milk – (1 pint)

Let’s start with the caramel sauce! To begin this recipe you need to cook the separate 6 oz. portion of sugar with 1 oz. of water until it caramelizes in a saucepan. Don’t fuck this up and burn the sugar because it will ruin the entire product. A very light golden brown color is what you want. Next, line the bottom of the custard cups with a thin layer of the hot caramel sauce. The sauce will harden when cooled at air temperature.

For the custard filling:

1. Start by warming the milk up in a saucepan on a low flame.

2. Combine the eggs, sugar, salt, and vanilla into a mixing bowl. Mix it until thoroughly blended, but don’t whip it.

3. Carefully pour the warm milk into the egg mixture and stir rapidly to prevent the eggs from cooking and forming solid bits. Skim any foam that develops from the top of the mixture.

4. Pour the egg mixture on top of the hardened caramel in the custard cups. Set the cups onto a baking pan on an oven shelf and pour water into the pan around the cups so that the level of water just hits the custard mixture. Don’t overflow because it’ll be a bitch removing the pan with too much hot water.

5. Bake at 325 degrees (F) until the mixture sets for about 20 minutes.

6. Remove the crème caramel from the oven and let it cool. If you are not serving immediately, cover the tins individually and refrigerate.

Serve this dessert on a plate after turning the custard cup upside down to release the product. It should look like the picture of mine above. (f’ing delicious) My vision to take this dish to the next level is to add more eggs to the custard mixture and drizzle maple syrup on top of the crème caramel. (Caramelized sugar part) Fry some thick-cut Canadian Bacon and plate upward off the crème caramel with some French toast. Garnish with fresh blueberries, raspberries, and powdered sugar. And that’s how you go from a classic dessert to a gourmet breakfast!

Using alcohol for leverage is one of the oldest tricks in the book. Whether you are trying to get into a chick’s pants, entertain a client, or gauge the credibility of a new business partner, cocktails aren’t a bad way to start. C’mon, even T-Pain knows the deal. (Entire Epiphany album, shawty!)

From my bartending experience, there is nothing more pathetic than a man who’s indecisive about his drink order. He’ll say something to the tune of; “So, what do you recommend?” (How about a Midori sour with a side of cock, buddy?) For women on the other hand, nothing is sexier than leaving it up to the bartender’s discretion.

I’ve created a cocktail that blends sweet fruit juices, delicious rums, and the curiosity of amaretto. (Put it in your mouth!) This drink is totally unisex, (“Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.”) so everyone can put a swerve on.

I call this drink “The Bedazzler”. Growing up, I’ve always been fascinated with the clever names behind sexual acts such as: “The Dirty Sanchez”, “The Rusty Trombone”, “The Donkey Punch” and my favorite: “The Houdini”. I’ve now combined my mixology skills and 7th grade humor and put them into a pint glass for the world to enjoy.

I’ve defined “The Bedazzler” as the act of taking a females vaginal and anal virginity in the same night. It doesn’t necessarily have to have happen simultaneously, (double plugging!) or in any particular order. The only requirement is that penetration must occur within both areas (vaginal / anal) during the same encounter. My virginity taking days are over, so I’m leaving the “young bucks” a raw power move to make. Additionally, when people ask you, “why is it called a Bedazzler?” you now can explain the meaning in confidence.

“The Bedazzler” Cocktail Recipe:

1: Fill a pint glass with ice.
2: Pour 1oz. Bacardi Rum.
3: Pour 1oz. Captain Morgan Rum
4: Pour 1oz. Malibu Rum
5: Pour equal amounts of cranberry and pineapple juice to the top of the glass.
6: Rim shot (just a splash!) of Amaretto.
7: Lightly shake, and pour contents back into the pint glass.

If made correctly, there should be a froth head at the top of the glass and the alcohol flavor should go undetected. Use this drink to your advantage. Serve and enjoy!

Respect the knife! A “kitchen nightmare” last month left me minus a piece of my right index finger. (Just the tip!) While maintaining enrollment in culinary school I’ve learned to be more conscious about cutlery, my hands, and the food I am preparing.

In search of the perfect set of knives that would make chefs everywhere envious, I’ve found MKS Design knives. These hand crafted knives are precision tuned to offer perfect balance and weight distribution throughout the handle for superb control of the cutting surface. The body design offers “best of both worlds” geometry, with Asian and Western influences.

Speaking of Western influences, how about those handles? A clever design of style and functionality make this the ultimate throwback from my BMX influenced youth to my food and beverage dictated adulthood. There is a choice of colored traditional handles or the custom BMX grips upon request.

Let’s get down to business! MKS Design highlights include:

1. 10” Chef’s Knife (15oz.)
2. 8” Chef’s Knife (thin blade, 13oz.)
3. 8” Fillet Knife (8oz.)
4. 6.5” Boning Knife
5. Deep Paring Knife (Depth at 1.125”)
6. Mezzaluna (half moon shape, to blade rock)

Designed by a Adam Simha, (family butcher-business background, culinary extraordinaire turned welder/knife smith) this is a knife set that will last you for years and bring joy in all culinary pursuits.

Check out: MKSDesign.com