When it comes to nightlife, I make an effort to go as far away from home as possible. I’ll take a train into NYC, crash at a friend’s apartment in another town, or book a flight and rip-it in a different city for the weekend.
There’s nothing worse than creeping up from behind and grinding on a girl you went to high school with or telling a dude that was on your soccer team a quick recap on the last five years of your life.
This leads me next to the “bro hello”. You can see it coming from a mile away. The spotting can come from any direction; across the bar, or from the dance floor. It’ll usually be a former co-worker, a guy you went to college with, a friend of a friend, etc. Their right hand will rise up and reveal an open palm. They always come in peace.
Once you’ve been spotted, dodging the greeting is impossible. Instinctively, you mirror the motion and engage in a open-palm fist lock at the thumbs. So, what’s going on bro?
Sometimes shoulders will be bumped or the opposite arm will come around to form the “faux / bro hug”. Next thing you know you’ve been engulfed (Phagocytosis?) into a meaningless conversation putting a distorted spin on what you do during the day, romances/breakups, relocations, and other various future aspirations to up your steeze. The only way to come out of the black hole you’ve entered is the same way you entered, palms up.
While partying at the Wynn, I ran into a dude by the name of “Mystery”. You know, that freakshow who was the host of VH1’s reality series The Pick-up Artist and Mystery Method creator. While spotting him across the casino I darted over to say what’s up, making myself guilty of my own pet peeve. Okay, so I had a few cocktails in me! I charged at Mystery with an open palm expecting the same excitement in return.
Mystery shut me down on the “bro hello” greeting. He was assertive and took control of the situation by opting to give me a “pound” instead of palm to palm action. All I got was knuckles from the guy. (WTF?) Where’s the love brotha?
After “pounds” and exchanging pleasantries, I was left standing in the casino lobby embarrassed, ashamed, drunk, and alone. How could that peacocking-son-of-a-bitch play me like that?
I brushed off what happened that evening. I’m still pissed that I got son’d by a dude that looks like a vampire pimp. I’m not trying to advocate the use of the “bro hello”; but Jesus, return the favor when called upon as it’s an unwritten code among all men.
Clearly, this info was not published in the Mystery Method on how to seduce women and act cool in public.
Mystery unfortunately for you: It’s game over.
Tags: clark county, dude, guy, hug, human interest, las vegas, las vegas metropolitan area, men, mystery, mystery method, nevada, party, reality, series, slang, wynn, wynn las vegas, yo
