My friend Rob is a notorious bachelor party cut-up. It’s usually the groom’s college friends or in-laws that find him rude, obnoxious, and childish. In most social situations, including our trip to Rehab Las Vegas, I’m usually appointed as his guardian and caretaker.
This particular bachelor party was for our buddy James (2005 USPC Winner) and the setting of course, was Las Vegas. On the last day of our trip, (Sunday morning) most of the crew made their departure back to New York. It was Mother’s Day 2008 and only a select few stayed behind to enjoy the highlight of any weekend in Vegas, Rehab at the Hard Rock.
We checked into the Hard Rock, ate breakfast at the 24/7, and made it down to the pool after trimming my chest hair in the hotel room. (Norelco baby!)
After all, this was Mother’s day and one must take into consideration that all women attending the dirtiest pool party in Las Vegas must either hate their mothers and want to get back at them, or celebrating the day with Mom in a cabana with champagne and finger foods. Either way, it was a win-win for us.
The highlight of the day was finding a hidden waterslide set back from the main pool. I took a few runs and brought Rob to check it out. Rob has a tattoo on his chest that says “Lil’ Boo” in an old English font. Lil’ Boo isn’t his baby’s mama, it’s actually his cat that he’s had since high school.
Prior to getting on the slide a gay guy chatting up the lifeguard asked Rob “who’s Lil’ Boo?” Rob, using the bar above the slide to gain momentum gets distracted by the question, slips and hits his head on the slide causing his drunken body to go limp and trail down the slide into the pool below.
The sweet boy screamed “OMG, he’s out cold!” Next, the lifeguard left his station and jumped down the slide, a perceptive party-goer shouted “I’m an EMT” and barreled down the slide, the knob-gobbler piled down next, and I followed shortly after.
From my perspective it looked bad, really bad. Rob hit his head hard and I thought for sure he’d be unconscious and floating in pool full of piss-water and chlorine at the bottom of the slide.
Rob was held by the lifeguard and the EMT as he was gasping for air. They asked him a series of questions, (what’s your name, how many fingers am I holding up?) The gay dude participated in the Q/A period and asked Rob once again; “who’s Lil’ Boo?”
Rob replied, “my cat, Lil Boo is my fucking cat!” The poo-pirate apologized and told us that his dad “owns the place” and he’ll comp us rooms at the Hard Rock and get us a table at Body English that night.
To ease the hard feelings the gay guy said; “if you need anything I’ll be back on the lifeguard stand, by the way; my name’s Abraham.”
Rob, fresh out of a coma, says “Abraham, eh? What kind of fucking name is that? Your father owns this joint and he named you Abraham? I now see why you’re such a giant pole-smoker. Fucking Abraham!”
Our buddy Abe stood there speechless after being belittled by Rob. He exited the pool and shouted “fucking assholes!” while splashing the water effeminately. We spent the rest of the afternoon frolicking poolside, drinking heavily, and harassing young women.
Tags: bachelor party, emergency management, first aid, hotels las vegas, las vegas, lifeguard, lil boo, party las vegas, pictures las vegas, pool party, public safety, rehab, rehab las vegas, rescue, social situations, surf lifesaving, vegas
