The pre-game is a necessary and proper way to kick-off any “going-out” night. Throw the effects of alcohol poisoning out the window! Whether your tastes require a 30-pack of Busch Light, or liquor; some social lube to fire things up is needed without question.
During my junior year of college, my buddy Rudy (home-friend) showed up to my dorm bearing a bottle of Fleishmann’s Vodka ($6.99/liter) and a few Gatorades.
Rudy is a real “man’s-man”. Although his head is oddly shaped, (Think Hey Arnold!, but with a skinny forehead and long temple region) he’s a dude that’s about fantasy football, beer pong stats, and exaggerating tales of the vagina’s he’s conquered among the boys.
He repeats things, sounds like a hyper dog when excited, and is an advocate of the dollar menu at Burger King. He’s good people; but this night the wheels fell off the train for our hometown hero. A good soldier was about to go down.
We started the night on my futon, mixing vodka into the top portion of the Gatorade bottles. Rudy was in a bad mood because the Yankees were losing as he dribbled “red” Gatorade around the neck of his Don Mattingly jersey.
As the night progressed, his rate of consumption increased. By the 9th inning, he was lighting cigarettes backwards, sporting the “fruit punch” mustache, and banging on girls doors. (Who’s looking to party?!)
We finished the bottle before leaving my dorm and hopping into my friend Mike’s Jeep Grand Cherokee. We were both pretty tuned up, but Rudy was completely out of control and harassing Mike’s girlfriend and her friends in the backseat.
A few hiccups and burps later, the “vomit sensation” took over and the kid went projectile out the back window.
The following happened next:
1: Rudy apologizes for puking.
2: He’s denied entry at the bar because he’s visibly intoxicated and left his ID at my building.
3: Rudy is put into a cab and taken back to campus.
4: I continue drinking with the gang, figuring my buddy is sleeping it off.
5: Our “suspect” is found by a campus public safety officer on the hood of a Ford Explorer (not his), in a pool of his own vomit and piss.
6: Neighbors explain that an “unidentified student” was taken to the hospital earlier. (No wallet or ID.)
7: My friend is taken to the hospital as a “John Doe”. BAC = 0.33
8: Rudy harasses the nurse and taunts her with a catheter in his penis.
9: My buddy released the next morning in my custody and he makes it to work (deli /sandwich maker) by noon.
During the interim between squabbling with the nurse and Rudy sleeping, I got him a change of pants and underwear as he urinated his own.
The guy never returned my Puma track-pants. I had nothing to wear on Monday while making cold-calls at my job. Not cool.
My buddy paid the hospital bills out of pocket because he didn’t want his parents knowing what a screwball he was that night. He learned some valuable lessons from this experience, and has laid-off the sauce for a while. Smart man.
Tags: alcohol, alcohol poisoning, burger king, effects, effects of alcohol, fantasy football, films, hospital bill, hospitals, mass media, mike, notre dame fighting irish football, paying hospital bills, pocket, poisoning, rudy
