I’m not into the whole Flight of the Conchords thing, but this video is great! Flight of the Conchords – “If You’re Into It” features two male singers serenading (and using weird instruments!) a cute girl by progressively coercing into getting naked and having group sex. The song starts off innocently and gains momentum to the “climax” at the end.

I heard about Flight of the Conchords before, but was never really sold on their humor. However, this song makes my YouTube favorites list as it’s good for a mid-morning smirk and to pass along to someone who is not familiar with the group.

For those like myself, who only knew about the group from HBO, Flight of the Conchords is a Grammy Award winning comedy duo from New Zealand. The duo composed of Bret McKenzie and Jemaine Clement use their musical background and comedic personalities to create songs that are melodic, funny, and entertaining. Granted, not all of their stuff I’m a fan of, but “If You’re Into It” had me hooked after the guy with the deep voice made his first appearance.

The chick in the video is pretty cute too. Not really Nicky Paper’s type, but her look kind of makes me want to grab a “White Chocolate Mocha” at Starbucks with her and “just talk”. She’s definitely seems like that type of girl, “if she’s into it”.

It’s seems like Geico and White Castle are battling it out for the more clever marketing campaign. Ironically, both feature miniature mascots personified with similar characteristics. Both campaigns are getting heavy rotation on public radio and on television, but has anyone taken notice to how similar these campaigns really are? Let’s break down the contenders!

Geico: “The Money You Cold Be Saving”

Geico’s mascot is a miniature stack of money with “googly eye’s” that always seems to be getting caught staring. It usually targets a woman by staring (flirtatiously) as it continues to make its presence known. Once the small “stack of money” is discovered by a bystander, (someone who has seen it before) they will note that it’s “the money you could be saving with Geico”.

The stack of money comes off a bit stalker-ish during many of the commercials by not speaking and only staring. It’s intentions are benevolent as it’s trying to gingerly make an individual realize they may be overpaying with another car insurance outfit. At the end of each commercial the “money you could be saving” signs off with Rockwell’s classic 80’s tune: “Somebody’s Watching Me”. During the encounter, no party is overly concerned that the “stack of money” has human-like characteristics.

Please observe the Geico clip below:

White Castle: “The Crave is Calling”

White Castle’s miniature mascot is a hamburger dialing out on an old rotary phone. The hamburger is always making what appears to be a “booty call” to an individual caught off guard. The interaction is more on the seductive side than Geico’s “stack of money” campaign. The hamburger doesn’t speak English, however communicates through “70’s porn music” where only the recipient of the call has the ability to decipher what’s being said.

Being that all “victims of the crave” are male, (and assumed to be heterosexual) it’s a fair claim that the “crave hamburger mascot” is a horny female looking for quickie of some sort. The male victims (grim reaper, store clerk) never fail to drop the task they are engrossed in when the crave calls.

Please check out the White Castle clip below:

The Verdict: Geico takes the prize on this one, simply for the originality of playing off the song “Somebody’s Watching Me” by Rockwell. For this reason alone it’s a more effective marketing campaign because many people identify Geico with that song, even if they’ve never heard it before. Simply put, it’s catchier than the 70’s porn music that White Castle delivers. White Castle’s campaign does however have more sex appeal, but falls short from a brand recognition and identity perspective.

Who would have thought dialing for dollars could be so much fun? For pennies on the dollar you could buy thousands of leads in select states and set parameters of your choosing.

To make money “chop shop” style you will need the following:

1. A telephone blocking the number on outbound calls.
2. Thick Skin
3. Male Leads (We don’t pitch the bitch.)
4. Puma Jumpsuit.

Welcome to Cold Calling 101. The sample lead above, (rendered to protect identity) is a fair representation as to how a boiler room works and the mentality of the brokers behind the high-energy phone calls. Everyday thousands of Americans are harassed at work by money-hungry brokers hopped-up on a mix of high testosterone, Red Bull, and Ritalin. For Nicky Papers, (yours truly!) it was a combination of all of the above on typical office afternoon.

So what are the “sharks” looking for exactly?

Currently working with Brokers: A prospect who works with multiple brokers shows that he’s not completely committed to anybody and will cut a check if he likes an idea. (He’s done this before…) Be wary of guys who use online brokerages as they don’t see the need in being told what to do. For prospects that have brokers out of state, (especially in NY) it’s a clear indicator that they are receptive to doing business completely over the phone.

Owns Stock: Prospects that trade common stock are our type of guys! We are looking for liquidity and a gamblers mentality. At this time, if they’ve made some money on a stock they’ll share the ticker with you. On the sample lead the prospect was kind enough to tell us that (NASDAQ: SLAB) Silicon Laboratories took the prize as he doubled his money on it. Reference something similar on the next call to open the account.

Ballpark Portfolio Size: So, how much are you playing with in the market? We were looking for guys with over 100k in the market. In pursuit of gaining a piece of that portfolio, anything over 100k is a safe number to weed out the piker’s from the players. In this case, our prospect is playing with 900k. “A fucking whale baby!”

Personal Info: After capturing the aforementioned “meat and potatoes”, now it’s time to bullshit a little. So are you still making six-figures? (Of course.) What do you like to do in your spare time? Still chasing the ladies? At this time the victim will lighten up and tell you some tales of adventure and romance. Our prospect (above) enjoyed fishing for trout. (How exciting!) It’s not much, but valuable enough to pull out your ass on the next phone call.

This prospect turned into a slippery eel and got away on the follow-up call. Now don’t think I was the Michael Jordan of cold-calling, but for being 21 years old I was pretty ferocious. With a solid 5%-in, 5%-out game plan in place, the broker’s always on top. And if the stock actually went up, more power to them!

It’s hard to pinpoint the catalyst that caused markets to plummet, the exposure of unethical practices in the financial world, and the credit crisis that we are in today. Is it because working in financial services (in many instances) had become too profitable or is it because Americans (as consumers) are weak and gravitate toward exotic s equities trades (from a hotshot broker in New York!) and complicated mortgages structured by now defunct banks. Asking a question like that is like asking what came first, the chicken or the egg?

One of my favorite movies of all-time is Boiler Room, as it shows an accurate representation of chop shop culture and the attitudes/behavior of many brokers on a trading floor. For me, Boiler Room glamorized the business and influenced me toward working within the financial services industry.

When I was 21, I responded to a Craigslist ad to become sponsored by a “retail equities brokerage” where I would learn the business through cold calling and studying for my Series 7. The opportunity seemed like it would pay dividends down the road so I kindly accepted the offer.

In just a few months working at this firm I observed the following:

1. I was becoming an animal on the phone. Being trained by sharks caused me to be relentless and not take “no” for an answer.

2. There was no dress coded or sense of office etiquette. Most of us, (myself included) rocked the classic head-to-toe Puma jumpsuit. (Typical guinea shit.) We had dice games in the conference room after the markets closed.

3. There were no analysts at the firm. Brokers pitched what they liked or stocks with preexisting “call scripts”. There was one speculative stock (Telkonet) that was pitched harder than anything else. It’s ticker symbol (TKO) opened up more accounts on a first trade basis than more commonly known stocks, because it’s ticker sounded “cool”.

4. Everything I did was fake. I used a fake name. I pretended I was a senior broker. I held conversations in topics I knew nothing about. (Fishing and hunting?) I told prospects I would call them back “later on down the road”, in-turn I passing them off to a British guy (heavy accent) where he’d read my notes and open the account. The client was none-the-wiser.

I never ended up passing my Series 7 exam. The firm tried selling me on reasons I should keep studying and “dialing for dollars”. Frankly, I was sick of being an actor on the telephone getting leads for someone else. I ended up parting ways with the firm on good terms. As a former “chop shopper”, where would I go next? For me that was an easy decision, I became a mortgage broker.