I’m the type of guy that follows usually follows a sequence. A sense of order, you know? Dinner before dessert, cuddles after puddles, (I’m the sensitive type.) and a respect for following standard procedures has made life easier for me. While on the topic of dessert, let’s talk about my latest creation: crème caramel.

Now don’t think I’m getting soft on you with a dessert recipe, I’m showing diversification of my skill sets. Simply put, I’m demonstrating how to step up your game because you can’t snack on E.L. Fudge forever. So let’s make something hot and fresh out the kitchen.

You will need:
Custard Cups - (6)
Baking Pan – (1)
Eggs – (8)
Sugar – (4 oz.) and another separate portion of 6 oz.
Salt – (1/4 teaspoon)
Vanilla Extract – (1/4 oz.)
Water – (1 oz.)
Milk – (1 pint)

Let’s start with the caramel sauce! To begin this recipe you need to cook the separate 6 oz. portion of sugar with 1 oz. of water until it caramelizes in a saucepan. Don’t fuck this up and burn the sugar because it will ruin the entire product. A very light golden brown color is what you want. Next, line the bottom of the custard cups with a thin layer of the hot caramel sauce. The sauce will harden when cooled at air temperature.

For the custard filling:

1. Start by warming the milk up in a saucepan on a low flame.

2. Combine the eggs, sugar, salt, and vanilla into a mixing bowl. Mix it until thoroughly blended, but don’t whip it.

3. Carefully pour the warm milk into the egg mixture and stir rapidly to prevent the eggs from cooking and forming solid bits. Skim any foam that develops from the top of the mixture.

4. Pour the egg mixture on top of the hardened caramel in the custard cups. Set the cups onto a baking pan on an oven shelf and pour water into the pan around the cups so that the level of water just hits the custard mixture. Don’t overflow because it’ll be a bitch removing the pan with too much hot water.

5. Bake at 325 degrees (F) until the mixture sets for about 20 minutes.

6. Remove the crème caramel from the oven and let it cool. If you are not serving immediately, cover the tins individually and refrigerate.

Serve this dessert on a plate after turning the custard cup upside down to release the product. It should look like the picture of mine above. (f’ing delicious) My vision to take this dish to the next level is to add more eggs to the custard mixture and drizzle maple syrup on top of the crème caramel. (Caramelized sugar part) Fry some thick-cut Canadian Bacon and plate upward off the crème caramel with some French toast. Garnish with fresh blueberries, raspberries, and powdered sugar. And that’s how you go from a classic dessert to a gourmet breakfast!

While sticking with the theme of my last post, I’ve always had a fascination with Las Vegas. I wrote the journal entry above in fourth grade and Vegas has forever remained one of my coveted “dirty destinations”. Aside from watching the Rangers win the Stanley Cup and cheering on OJ in hot pursuit; in 1994 my imagination ran wild as to what really happens in Las Vegas.

In early 1996, my Vegas fantasies came true when I watched Showgirls (staring Elizabeth Berkley) for the first time. The cable descrambler box came in handy (thanks Dad!) as I was able to switch between episodes of Saved By The Bell (Jessie Spano) and “naked Jessie” on Pay-Per-View. As a sixth grader this was my first introduction to porn and I cherished the Pay-Per-View guide (Still have it today!) where I could tune into some quality soft-core action on a schedule of course.

The acting in Showgirls was terrible and the storyline sucked as it got horrific reviews. For me the combination of Showgirls, the accessibility to a descrambler box giving me oodles of adult entertainment, and being able to turn the color of my pee from yellow to “white and sticky” shaped my pre-pubescent afternoons; till dinner time at least…

My fourth grade writing should have been a clear indicator of what would become; a love for all things gluttonous. (And slightly voyeuristic…) My teacher on the other hand thought differently giving me “mad props” on my journal entries. In hindsight, she wasn’t doing anyone a favor as it really was her responsibility to call a parent teacher conference about this.

After going to Vegas more times than the average person (four times in 382 days to be exact) it’s safe say that I know my way around town. Whether I’m going balls deep on a hot Latina, telling a stripper that I used to have long hair, (fabricated lies) or explaining the economics behind VIP bottle service, Vegas is a place that will always be there when I want to cut loose.

As for my fourth grade teacher, I’d like to thank her for her kind words and encouragement. As for Elizabeth Berkley, you were my “Eleanor” as I’ve been never been able to see you naked again (since 96’) and also for the fact that as a sixth grader I came (and gone) in 60 seconds.

You will always hold a special place in my heart. : )

My friend Rob is a notorious bachelor party cut-up. It’s usually the groom’s college friends or the in-laws that find this guy rude, obnoxious, and childish, appointing me as his caretaker.

This bachelor party was for our buddy James (2005 USPC Winner!) and the setting of course, was Las Vegas. On Sunday morning of the trip, the rest of the gang made their departure home. It was Mother’s Day 2008 and only a few stayed behind to enjoy the highlight of any weekend in Vegoose, Rehab at the Hard Rock Casino.

We checked into the Hard Rock, ate breakfast at the 24/7, and made it down to the pool after taking care of my chest hair in the room. (Norelco baby!) After all, this was Mother’s day and one must take into consideration that all women attending a dirty pool party at Rehab must hate their mothers and want to get back at them, or will be partying with Mom in a cabana. Either way it was money for us.

The highlight of the day was finding a hidden waterslide set back from the main pool. I took a few runs and brought Rob to check it out. Rob has a tattoo on his chest that says “Lil’ Boo” in an old English font. Lil’ Boo isn’t his baby’s mama, it’s his cat that he loves dearly. Prior to getting on the slide a gay guy chatting up the lifeguard and asks Rob “who’s Lil’ Boo?” Rob, using the bar above the slide to gain momentum gets distracted by the question, and slips and hitting his head on the slide causing his drunken body to go limp and trail down the slide into the pool below.

The gay guy screams “OMG, he’s out cold!” The lifeguard leaves his station and jumps down, a partygoer shouts “I’m an EMT” and barrels down after Rob, the catty gay dude piles down, and I follow shortly after. It looked bad. Rob hit head hard and I thought for sure he’d be unconscious floating in the pool at the bottom.

Rob was held up by the lifeguard and EMT gasping for air. They asked him a series of questions, (what’s your name, how many fingers am I holding up?) The gay dude participated in the Q/A period and asked Rob once again, “who’s Lil’ Boo?” Rob replied, my cat! The gay dude apologized and told us that his dad “owns the place” and could comp us rooms and get us a table at Body English. He said, “if you need anything I’ll be back on the lifeguard stand”, by the way; my name’s Abraham.

Rob, literally just out of a coma, says “Abraham, eh? What kind of fucking name is that? Your father (who owns this place) named you Abraham? I now see why you’re a giant homo. Fucking Abraham!” Our pal Abe stood their speechless after being belittled by Rob. He exited the pool and shouted “fucking assholes!” at us and we went back to frolicking poolside.

Every so often you come across a YouTube clip that’s destined to become a classic for future generations to enjoy. No matter how many times I watch “Reporter Goes Ghetto” it’s still funny. America’s Funniest Home Video’s made a worthy attempt to get great user submitted footage, but totally missed the mark when they let Bob Saget take creative control of the show. (and suddenly, all cats now had voices?) Humor in the early 90’s took an even greater beating when Saget’s counterpart Dave Coulier (Joey on Full House) battled for ratings with his show America’s Funniest People. Seriously, thank god for YouTube.

In the “Reporter Turns Ghetto” clip, a seemingly refined black man holding a microphone begins a synopsis of “what really happened at Augusta High School after Chris Wood’s death”. Suddenly, a fly enters his mouth. The reporter spits out the fly, losses his cool as well his manners and sense of professionalism. The reporter boldly states that he’s “dying in this in this country ass fucked up town.” That’s classic in my book!

The camera man gets the giggles too as the reporter firmly comments that there’s “shit flying in his mouth”, and “pollen”. The reporter then goes on to “MF” the country town that their filming the feature in. Subsequently, he calms down while adjusting his suit and pacing in front of the camera to finally get it together.

My condolences to Chris Wood’s family as this new reporter (although quite funny!) made a mockery of what would have been an informative segment, now turned into a YouTube delight.

In my time and travels I’ve had my fair share of roommates. From the obsessive compulsive, (tagging initials everywhere) to the UFC fighter, (apparently trains with Forrest Griffin?) and to the downright filthy, no one takes a more memorable rank than Kevin, the professional magician.

I met Kevin my senior year of college though Andrew, my current roommate at the time. Kevin was a bit younger than us, but went to the same high school as Andrew so there was a common link. Upon greeting Kevin initially, he stole my watch off my wrist. And of course you know, I can’t go for that!

I took my watch back and Kevin explained that he’s been doing magic for a while and hopes to make a living at it one day. After processing what just happened, I asked Kevin if he’d ever take his pick pocketing skills to the streets of New York City. Very kindly, but firmly Kevin stated: “I don’t use my magic for evil purposes!” That’s when I knew the kid had the twinkle. Kevin instantly became part of the crew.

For the first semester, Kevin lived on my couch doing magic and sipping Coffee Coolata’s into the night. For entertainment purposes he was everything we needed as we now operated with a professional magician on hand. Unfortunately, Kevin got a terrible nick-name during that fall semester, “Magic Gay Boy”. I felt sorry for him at the time, as Justin (other roommate, upperclassmen) tortured Kevin by introducing him to girls as “Magic Gay Boy”, our magic gay magician.

Fortunately, Kevin found his way onto MTV’s Room Raiders 2.0 where he had to pick one lucky lady (typical Long Island chickens) based on evaluating their rooms. Aside from all the likely things to appear, (condoms, semen stains, etc.) Kevin did a fine job of playing Nancy Drew and selected his “shining star”; a hot Latina named Carmen. (Andrew approves as she fills out those booty shorts nicely!)

Well done Kevin!

Using alcohol for leverage is one of the oldest tricks in the book. Whether you are trying to get into a chick’s pants, entertain a client, or gauge the credibility of a new business partner, cocktails aren’t a bad way to start. C’mon, even T-Pain knows the deal. (Entire Epiphany album, shawty!)

From my bartending experience, there is nothing more pathetic than a man who’s indecisive about his drink order. He’ll say something to the tune of; “So, what do you recommend?” (How about a Midori sour with a side of cock, buddy?) For women on the other hand, nothing is sexier than leaving it up to the bartender’s discretion.

I’ve created a cocktail that blends sweet fruit juices, delicious rums, and the curiosity of amaretto. (Put it in your mouth!) This drink is totally unisex, (“Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.”) so everyone can put a swerve on.

I call this drink “The Bedazzler”. Growing up, I’ve always been fascinated with the clever names behind sexual acts such as: “The Dirty Sanchez”, “The Rusty Trombone”, “The Donkey Punch” and my favorite: “The Houdini”. I’ve now combined my mixology skills and 7th grade humor and put them into a pint glass for the world to enjoy.

I’ve defined “The Bedazzler” as the act of taking a females vaginal and anal virginity in the same night. It doesn’t necessarily have to have happen simultaneously, (double plugging!) or in any particular order. The only requirement is that penetration must occur within both areas (vaginal / anal) during the same encounter. My virginity taking days are over, so I’m leaving the “young bucks” a raw power move to make. Additionally, when people ask you, “why is it called a Bedazzler?” you now can explain the meaning in confidence.

“The Bedazzler” Cocktail Recipe:

1: Fill a pint glass with ice.
2: Pour 1oz. Bacardi Rum.
3: Pour 1oz. Captain Morgan Rum
4: Pour 1oz. Malibu Rum
5: Pour equal amounts of cranberry and pineapple juice to the top of the glass.
6: Rim shot (just a splash!) of Amaretto.
7: Lightly shake, and pour contents back into the pint glass.

If made correctly, there should be a froth head at the top of the glass and the alcohol flavor should go undetected. Use this drink to your advantage. Serve and enjoy!

Respect the knife! A “kitchen nightmare” last month left me minus a piece of my right index finger. (Just the tip!) While maintaining enrollment in culinary school I’ve learned to be more conscious about cutlery, my hands, and the food I am preparing.

In search of the perfect set of knives that would make chefs everywhere envious, I’ve found MKS Design knives. These hand crafted knives are precision tuned to offer perfect balance and weight distribution throughout the handle for superb control of the cutting surface. The body design offers “best of both worlds” geometry, with Asian and Western influences.

Speaking of Western influences, how about those handles? A clever design of style and functionality make this the ultimate throwback from my BMX influenced youth to my food and beverage dictated adulthood. There is a choice of colored traditional handles or the custom BMX grips upon request.

Let’s get down to business! MKS Design highlights include:

1. 10” Chef’s Knife (15oz.)
2. 8” Chef’s Knife (thin blade, 13oz.)
3. 8” Fillet Knife (8oz.)
4. 6.5” Boning Knife
5. Deep Paring Knife (Depth at 1.125”)
6. Mezzaluna (half moon shape, to blade rock)

Designed by a Adam Simha, (family butcher-business background, culinary extraordinaire turned welder/knife smith) this is a knife set that will last you for years and bring joy in all culinary pursuits.

Check out: MKSDesign.com

In the world of hip-hop having a signature sound means everything. Sometimes this goes beyond the traditional delivery, tone, pitch, and inflection where methods of “digitally repairing” off-key vocal recordings are utilized. Cher’s hit “Believe” brought attention to the digital audio processor by Antares Audio Technologies known as Auto Tune.

I’ve always found the Cher song to be irritating and playing in the background at a department store proving that “advanced pitch correction” in certain applications just don’t mix. T-Pain on the other hand, has proved the world otherwise being credited with revitalizing this sparingly used industry technique.

I’ve been a T-Pain fan since the “I’m in love with a stripper” days partially for his “creep-up-from-behind” style and his unique (which some may argue artificial) sound. Two albums later, a few monster singles, and dozens of collaborations with other artists, one thing still remains; the Auto-Tune.

The whole auto tune phenomenon has really got out of hand with numerous hip-hop and pop star such as Kanye West, Lil’ Wayne, Jamie Foxx, Chris Brown, and Rihanna playing copy-cat. Is perfect pitch something that we want in music today? What happened to valuing talent and creativity over production?

The video below (very funny!) best exemplifies the use of auto tune and how it’s become part of pop-culture and how it’s “just gone too far”. Jack, an employee at a web design company is asked a series of questions about “the homepage”. Jack sings his responses back in perfect pitch into a microphone with an auto tune processor over a classic T-Pain beat.

Auto Tuning from Casey D on Vimeo.

Do you think that auto-tune is a cover up for artists that can’t sing? Do you think it’s this an unfair advantage or just a fad that will fizzle out?

RJ Reynolds has done it again! It all started with the iconic Joe Camel serving as their advertising mascot (1987-1997) to gain future market share among competitors. Joe Camel’s swagger (aimed at children) during the 90’s has inevitably caused many smokers (who are now in their 20’s) to remain loyal to the brand, as their tobacco product of choice.

I’ve always been partial to free enterprise and clever marketing. Camel has once again nailed it with their new product SNUS that has been gaining traction in US markets. SNUS is a smokeless tobacco product where the consumer places a pouch inside their upper lip delivering a “spit-less” alternative to traditional chewing tobacco. After letting the pouch sit for a few minutes a tingling sensation will develop and nicotine will be absorbed into the gums delivering a buzz that lasts up to an hour.

With the exception of an occasional cigarette after drinking a few beers, I would not classify myself as smoker. On a Sunday morning at bar I work at, (opening up of course) my buddy Shaun introduced me to this Swedish developed sensation called SNUS. At first I resisted, but I caved in when Shaun got all “big brother” on me and forced me to try it.

This badgering reminded me of the children’s book Green Eggs and Ham by Dr. Seuss and the famous scene where “he tries it… and he likes it!”

“Dr. SNUS”

I got the tingle, I got the buzz, I bought the product, and now I’m hooked. I first tried the SNUS Spice flavor which smelled and tasted like being at a fall craft fair, (minus the dunk tank booth!). I tried the Frost flavor next and stuck with that ever since.

My final thoughts on SNUS:

1. Partnerships should be developed with major airlines. Every flight should have this on board for unruly passengers.

2. From a managerial perspective, employers should provide SNUS to employees who are chain smokers to increase productivity. Smoking breaks and elevator rides down to city streets can now be eliminated.

3. Get this in the hands of high school students immediately. The product goes undetected as there is no scent or spit residue. The whole class could be SNUS’ing. Cool, calm, relaxed, and focused on learning.

4. Camel needs a SNUS mascot. I’m no cowboy, but Nicky Papers could serve as the new spokesperson for SNUS. A blend of sophistication with a rough-around-the-edges attitude, I’m everything that’d they would be looking for.

5. It’s European baby! SNUS is destined to become a hipster’s delight. Jump on it!

Do you think SNUS is a safe alternative to traditional cigarettes or chewing tobacco?

I was first introduced to Gucci Mane’s music in my college days (circa 2005) while strolling past a group of Nigerian buddies coming off the field from an intramural soccer game. The gang was horsing around throwing soccer balls at one another in the parking lot, bumping some tunes, and playing hacky sack. My pal George Obi called me over to enter a hacky sack circle (my jesters are nasty!) and take a break from classes.

As a result of that tailgate I became fascinated with a rapper they call Gucci Mane. After kicking the beans around for a while, the pack of Nigerians went wild breaking into a chorus of Gucci Mane’s single “So Icy”. I’m usually the first up on new shit, but this unruly group of Nigerians had me beat!

Gucci Mane’s oozing with mic skills, stage presence, business acumen, and raw talent. His iconic “Bart Simpson Chain” has certainly turned some heads. Subsequently, it’s been the catalyst of a murder where former friend/collaborator Young Jeezy’s associate, tried seizing the bedazzled medallion off Gucci’s neck at an exotic dancers home in Atlanta. Gucci Mane (packing heat of course) murdered one of the attackers (eat my shorts man!) which started a legal nightmare. In court, Gucci claimed it was self-defense and Georgia prosecutors dropped all charges due to lack of evidence. (“Yeaaaaaaaah”)

Gaining popularity on YouTube, (2.5 million+ views) Gucci’s new single “Freaky Girl” does a fine job adding some flavor from Rick James’s 1981 hit “Super Freak”. Additionally, the white chick in the video is a certified dime piece. (Snapped the carrot twice to her!)

My all-time favorite Gucci Mane track is “My Kitchen”. Perhaps it’s because I’m an aspiring culinary student or maybe I’m versed operating a triple beam, either way Gucci comes off ferocious on this hood anthem.

See below:

My favorite part about Gucci Mane is his ability to perform while being stoned as shit during video shoots. If this isn’t entertainment, I don’t know what is? Jesus, his whole crew (beater & braids guy in particular) has the giggles. I certainly wouldn’t mind riding around with the crew hot-boxing an H2 while making a late night fast-food run. From a marketing perspective they are doing great job (earning 4 million+ views) on “My Kitchen”. I’m confident in time Gucci will be iTunes strong, ringtone hustling, and signing new talent to his label, So Icey Entertainment.

Do you see a future for Gucci Mane monetizing from his YouTube popularity?